“She made me different.”
Words from John Green’s novel looking for alaska.
“……because now I am irretrievably different….”
The words struck a resonance in me somewhere and I stopped to listen. And think.
Images of people flowed in a stream through my consciousness. Some good, and as with most people, obviously, some not so. But even when people have not been good toward me, perhaps, Eventually anyway, they have been good for me. For good or not, they have irretrievably made me different in some way. If for no other reason than the way I react to them. As my husband has repeatedly been telling me over the years as I am venting or sobbing, I cannot control what others do to me. I can only control my reaction to them. For good or bad. And so they have irretrievably changed me in some way. Whether significant or not, or on either way of what that seems to be, I am changed.
Who has changed you? For good, or not, who has irretrievably made you different?
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Loss
I've heard recently of several people that I know/of my acquaintance losing their parents.
It reminded me of something I came across recently from Maya Angelou -
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
My parents have been gone from my life for a very long time and the relationship was not the best by any means. I have a true understanding of what Maya Angelou says. What I have a truer understanding of is, I miss what it could have been.
I am going to quote from an email that was sent to me by someone that recently lost a parent and what she is trying to do with dealing with that loss, since she says it in her own words best.
".....At a time when grief is the dominating emotion, I feel like I have to be closest to what I love best, and that is color. So, I have come up with a way to celebrate the memory of my father while doing something that could benefit somebody else. I have decided to launch a fundraiser today. I have created six new colors and 100 PERCENT of the profits from the sale of these colors will go to the MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION. I am sure many of you are aware of the wonderful work they do, but if not, I have posted a link to their site on my Fundraiser page so that you can become familiar with their amazing work.
Fundraiser link:
http://www.theshespace.com/makeawishfundraiser.html
It is not easy to say good-bye to somebody who is/was loved so much, but at the end of the day, I feel like this is a very special way of paying tribute to my father and helping out these children at the same time! Thank you in advance for your assistance.
As you go through your days, please keep in mind that it only takes a minute to tell somebody how much you love them. Time is a gift never to be squandered.
All my best,
Heather
www.theshespace.com "
And may everyone be able to have the relationship they want with their parents, and if not, I hope they at least try to make the best of it, since all things eventually change.
All my best.
It reminded me of something I came across recently from Maya Angelou -
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
My parents have been gone from my life for a very long time and the relationship was not the best by any means. I have a true understanding of what Maya Angelou says. What I have a truer understanding of is, I miss what it could have been.
I am going to quote from an email that was sent to me by someone that recently lost a parent and what she is trying to do with dealing with that loss, since she says it in her own words best.
".....At a time when grief is the dominating emotion, I feel like I have to be closest to what I love best, and that is color. So, I have come up with a way to celebrate the memory of my father while doing something that could benefit somebody else. I have decided to launch a fundraiser today. I have created six new colors and 100 PERCENT of the profits from the sale of these colors will go to the MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION. I am sure many of you are aware of the wonderful work they do, but if not, I have posted a link to their site on my Fundraiser page so that you can become familiar with their amazing work.
Fundraiser link:
http://www.theshespace.com/makeawishfundraiser.html
It is not easy to say good-bye to somebody who is/was loved so much, but at the end of the day, I feel like this is a very special way of paying tribute to my father and helping out these children at the same time! Thank you in advance for your assistance.
As you go through your days, please keep in mind that it only takes a minute to tell somebody how much you love them. Time is a gift never to be squandered.
All my best,
Heather
www.theshespace.com "
And may everyone be able to have the relationship they want with their parents, and if not, I hope they at least try to make the best of it, since all things eventually change.
All my best.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Inauguration Day – Part 2
The woman just showed up at my door. Right when the tv was on showing future history in the making. Or so everyone is saying anyway. But if this cold shiny day was so historical, why wasn’t she somewhere at least watching this history-making event? As I was, who never really pays much attention to these things. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve already seen too much of what people say, even Presidents taking office, that are not anything the same, or sometimes even similar, to what they do once the time for promises is deemed over.
I wonder if that was what she thought, this woman with the seemingly gentle spirit and dark skin. She didn’t even ring the doorbell. She just knocked, and patiently knocked again, all the while standing there on the sunny but very cold porch.
She smiled as she held out her tract relaying what I hope is her deepest belief. I sure hope so given her appearance in the frosty cold to suspicious strangers holding their doors only partially open. I hope she’s not deluding herself in this hard weather for less, questionable, beliefs.
I thought I understood some of these beliefs, having been accosted by less gentle folks than her over the years. Although I can’t remember any being as belligerent as some that have shown up on our doorstep uninvited, and rude. But even with her gentle-seeming voice and demeanor it did not convince me to open the door and invite her in. I already knew that those questions she said she had the answers to were not a part of my beliefs. But I was feeling the cold for me and her and was almost ready to reach out and take the tract she was holding out and talking about. I could already see myself dropping it into the recycle sack as I returned to my seat observing history in the making. But something in me took a quiet stand and I looked at her and gave her a big smile, saying quietly, “I don’t need it.” She smiled back, “You have a blessed day.” I replied, “You too.” And I shut the door on the cold. But not on the questions that she raised being on my porch on this historic of days.
I wonder if that was what she thought, this woman with the seemingly gentle spirit and dark skin. She didn’t even ring the doorbell. She just knocked, and patiently knocked again, all the while standing there on the sunny but very cold porch.
She smiled as she held out her tract relaying what I hope is her deepest belief. I sure hope so given her appearance in the frosty cold to suspicious strangers holding their doors only partially open. I hope she’s not deluding herself in this hard weather for less, questionable, beliefs.
I thought I understood some of these beliefs, having been accosted by less gentle folks than her over the years. Although I can’t remember any being as belligerent as some that have shown up on our doorstep uninvited, and rude. But even with her gentle-seeming voice and demeanor it did not convince me to open the door and invite her in. I already knew that those questions she said she had the answers to were not a part of my beliefs. But I was feeling the cold for me and her and was almost ready to reach out and take the tract she was holding out and talking about. I could already see myself dropping it into the recycle sack as I returned to my seat observing history in the making. But something in me took a quiet stand and I looked at her and gave her a big smile, saying quietly, “I don’t need it.” She smiled back, “You have a blessed day.” I replied, “You too.” And I shut the door on the cold. But not on the questions that she raised being on my porch on this historic of days.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inauguration
I’m not sure why I was watching. Yes, supposedly its history.
And that does matter to those that have that kind of global world caring view, or say they do anyway. Others only care when it matters to them directly, if it changes their lives in some way, especially some significant way. In some ways this qualifies. In others it’s much too soon to tell. Campaign promises are just promises, like many promises that are given to achieve a goal, they often evaporate from the selective memory when faced with the cold reality that bites at edges of tomorrow.
I don’t think I’ve even seen a person taking office that looked so…relaxed. It was really weird.
And was even weirder to see his young daughter with the same-looking seemingly relaxed demeanor.
Especially since there had to be record number of people there, all there staring at them. Millions of people staring at them….millions and millions of eyes….
Okay, so I can’t say I’ve watched all that many of these things. [Do the above comments apply here?]
But it did seem odd to see his demeanor. He looked… well, he looked smug.
And I thought it was interesting to see the leaving President’s face at some of the comments given in the inaugural address. He gave a little smile. One that seemed to say, ‘just wait. You’ll see what it’s really like in a short time now. Yes, indeed, you’ll see.”
As will we all, as will we all. Promises or no.
And that does matter to those that have that kind of global world caring view, or say they do anyway. Others only care when it matters to them directly, if it changes their lives in some way, especially some significant way. In some ways this qualifies. In others it’s much too soon to tell. Campaign promises are just promises, like many promises that are given to achieve a goal, they often evaporate from the selective memory when faced with the cold reality that bites at edges of tomorrow.
I don’t think I’ve even seen a person taking office that looked so…relaxed. It was really weird.
And was even weirder to see his young daughter with the same-looking seemingly relaxed demeanor.
Especially since there had to be record number of people there, all there staring at them. Millions of people staring at them….millions and millions of eyes….
Okay, so I can’t say I’ve watched all that many of these things. [Do the above comments apply here?]
But it did seem odd to see his demeanor. He looked… well, he looked smug.
And I thought it was interesting to see the leaving President’s face at some of the comments given in the inaugural address. He gave a little smile. One that seemed to say, ‘just wait. You’ll see what it’s really like in a short time now. Yes, indeed, you’ll see.”
As will we all, as will we all. Promises or no.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Things I Learned from the Dog Whisperer
And I don't even have a dog!!!
And we haven't for a long time actually.
But pretty much everyone we know does. And a lot of them are watching the Dog Whisperer.
So being as we are cool, hip people [I hear the peals of laughter ringing out now if our nieces and nephew ever come across this entry!], we decided we should check out the program.
It is amazing to watch this guy work. All the yappy, barky, snarling, growling canines just about lie down and roll over as soon as Cesar walks in their presence.
It's freakin' amazing!
Course the cynic in me wonders how much editing has gone into the segment and how much was edited out.
But it is still an interesting show and worth watching. Even if you don't have a dog.
Which brought me a thought to post to my empty hanging around blogs.
Oh, not that I haven't had Plenty of thoughts!
My skull has been overflowing with thoughts.
They just weren't the kind, a) that I could coherently put down 'on paper' or b) that I would necessarily want out there for all the world to see. Especially since I was really sick for most of December and still trying to get back into feeling 'normal' - or I guess as normal as I get maybe. So I have not necessarily been feeling all that charitable lately. Not mean. I don't think anyway. Just tired and sick, and sick and tired of feeling sick. Cranky-like. But just a little, I swear! Of course my darling husband and good friends might think differently and have different things to say....but this is my blog(s) and I can say what my version is. heh heh heh
But anyway - back to the Dog Whisperer, that has been languishing while I was rambling on my way.... I have learned that a person needs to have a calm spirit inside to be a pack leader to a dog. To be calm and assertive inside. Not mean, not controlling, not punishing. But to, well, almost like being the best you can be - for your dog's sake.
In latest episode I saw he talked about visualizing what it is you want to see and then acting accordingly. A lot of the same advice I've been reading for years now.
But for now, until my dreams of a new super washer and dryer that will do everything I need / want it to do come into reality in my house I better go deal with the loads of laundry I have to do with the washer and dryer I currently have. And am grateful to have, I will most readily say.
I am Very grateful for All the abundance of blessings I have - from material goods I have to the opportunities I am being offered in my writing career, to good friends to help support and care for me along the way.Thanks all.
And we haven't for a long time actually.
But pretty much everyone we know does. And a lot of them are watching the Dog Whisperer.
So being as we are cool, hip people [I hear the peals of laughter ringing out now if our nieces and nephew ever come across this entry!], we decided we should check out the program.
It is amazing to watch this guy work. All the yappy, barky, snarling, growling canines just about lie down and roll over as soon as Cesar walks in their presence.
It's freakin' amazing!
Course the cynic in me wonders how much editing has gone into the segment and how much was edited out.
But it is still an interesting show and worth watching. Even if you don't have a dog.
Which brought me a thought to post to my empty hanging around blogs.
Oh, not that I haven't had Plenty of thoughts!
My skull has been overflowing with thoughts.
They just weren't the kind, a) that I could coherently put down 'on paper' or b) that I would necessarily want out there for all the world to see. Especially since I was really sick for most of December and still trying to get back into feeling 'normal' - or I guess as normal as I get maybe. So I have not necessarily been feeling all that charitable lately. Not mean. I don't think anyway. Just tired and sick, and sick and tired of feeling sick. Cranky-like. But just a little, I swear! Of course my darling husband and good friends might think differently and have different things to say....but this is my blog(s) and I can say what my version is. heh heh heh
But anyway - back to the Dog Whisperer, that has been languishing while I was rambling on my way.... I have learned that a person needs to have a calm spirit inside to be a pack leader to a dog. To be calm and assertive inside. Not mean, not controlling, not punishing. But to, well, almost like being the best you can be - for your dog's sake.
In latest episode I saw he talked about visualizing what it is you want to see and then acting accordingly. A lot of the same advice I've been reading for years now.
But for now, until my dreams of a new super washer and dryer that will do everything I need / want it to do come into reality in my house I better go deal with the loads of laundry I have to do with the washer and dryer I currently have. And am grateful to have, I will most readily say.
I am Very grateful for All the abundance of blessings I have - from material goods I have to the opportunities I am being offered in my writing career, to good friends to help support and care for me along the way.Thanks all.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thank you to all that reach out
Have you ever thought about how much we all need each other?
Oh, we spend a Lot of time denying it, rejecting it, decrying it, but I don’t think we are meant to be alone all the time. Yes, I think we all need to take time for self-reflection, for musings, to do things that make us who we are. But there is still the underlying need to have a hug, at least here and there, verbally as well as physically. Is there anyone that doesn’t need to hear they are doing good, are needed, are appreciated? I’ve found so often that what we might think is not always the case. Watching a stranger stride along confident and together-looking, and following my impulse to tell her how nice she looks, even though feeling obviously she already knows that already. And probably gets told that a lot. And having them turn and about break into tears in a public place because she needed to hear something good so badly. Don’t be afraid to follow your intuition, your impulse, as long as it’s not going to be detrimental or harmful to you or to someone else, you never know what is going on in someone else’s life that they need to hear a cheering word of some kind. Or just have a smile from someone.
What is the worst that can happen? They think you a fool? Like That hasn’t happened before. ;)
And might happen again. You might be rebuffed when you reach out. Don’t let that stop you. Their loss, not yours. Do not let it be yours. Do not let it become your loss.
Reach out to someone, even if it’s just a smile. Who knows when the reverse will come about and there will be someone there to reach out to you when you really need it.
And if you believe in something or someone, tell them. I do believe in myself. Mostly. Most of the time. But sometimes it is a constant watch to keep the demons of doubt at bay, to keep them from slavering all over me like some overeager dog dripping icky saliva all over the place.
And if you believe in an organization, tell them, and do more than tell, reach out a hand. You might not be able to have money in that hand to give them but that hand can do something. Whether you are a professional or an amateur dabbler at something, you do have something to offer. That empty hand can be filled with an envelope to stuff, a stamp to put on, or a myriad other things that will help, and in whatever time can be given. Even if you only have a few minutes here and there that might help with research, or a phone call, or a contact.
We are all so much more talented than we realize. So much more blessed than we realize. So much more interconnected than we realize.
I realize I owe a lot of who I am as a writer to James River Writers. To all the people involved in it. Being able to connect with other people, ones that don’t look at you like you are an alien and speaking some kind of language they don’t understand, and don’t want to understand, is immeasurable in itself. But also being able to meet and talk with such wonderful writers, that are such wonderful people. From the wonderful people that are brought into Writing Shows and Conferences, Adriana Trigiani, Diane Mott Davidson, Kirk Ellis at the recent Conference, to Tiffany Trent, Jeff Sypeck, Maggie Stiefvater at recent Writing Shows, to the local writers that show up to mingle around at Writers Wednesdays, Emyl Jenkins, Lee Gimpel, David Robbins, and all the fledging writers in the same working process that I am.
To all that offer me a kind smile and a kind word, Thank you.
Oh, we spend a Lot of time denying it, rejecting it, decrying it, but I don’t think we are meant to be alone all the time. Yes, I think we all need to take time for self-reflection, for musings, to do things that make us who we are. But there is still the underlying need to have a hug, at least here and there, verbally as well as physically. Is there anyone that doesn’t need to hear they are doing good, are needed, are appreciated? I’ve found so often that what we might think is not always the case. Watching a stranger stride along confident and together-looking, and following my impulse to tell her how nice she looks, even though feeling obviously she already knows that already. And probably gets told that a lot. And having them turn and about break into tears in a public place because she needed to hear something good so badly. Don’t be afraid to follow your intuition, your impulse, as long as it’s not going to be detrimental or harmful to you or to someone else, you never know what is going on in someone else’s life that they need to hear a cheering word of some kind. Or just have a smile from someone.
What is the worst that can happen? They think you a fool? Like That hasn’t happened before. ;)
And might happen again. You might be rebuffed when you reach out. Don’t let that stop you. Their loss, not yours. Do not let it be yours. Do not let it become your loss.
Reach out to someone, even if it’s just a smile. Who knows when the reverse will come about and there will be someone there to reach out to you when you really need it.
And if you believe in something or someone, tell them. I do believe in myself. Mostly. Most of the time. But sometimes it is a constant watch to keep the demons of doubt at bay, to keep them from slavering all over me like some overeager dog dripping icky saliva all over the place.
And if you believe in an organization, tell them, and do more than tell, reach out a hand. You might not be able to have money in that hand to give them but that hand can do something. Whether you are a professional or an amateur dabbler at something, you do have something to offer. That empty hand can be filled with an envelope to stuff, a stamp to put on, or a myriad other things that will help, and in whatever time can be given. Even if you only have a few minutes here and there that might help with research, or a phone call, or a contact.
We are all so much more talented than we realize. So much more blessed than we realize. So much more interconnected than we realize.
I realize I owe a lot of who I am as a writer to James River Writers. To all the people involved in it. Being able to connect with other people, ones that don’t look at you like you are an alien and speaking some kind of language they don’t understand, and don’t want to understand, is immeasurable in itself. But also being able to meet and talk with such wonderful writers, that are such wonderful people. From the wonderful people that are brought into Writing Shows and Conferences, Adriana Trigiani, Diane Mott Davidson, Kirk Ellis at the recent Conference, to Tiffany Trent, Jeff Sypeck, Maggie Stiefvater at recent Writing Shows, to the local writers that show up to mingle around at Writers Wednesdays, Emyl Jenkins, Lee Gimpel, David Robbins, and all the fledging writers in the same working process that I am.
To all that offer me a kind smile and a kind word, Thank you.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Yikes, December Already!!!
I can't believe it's December already! Yikes! And not only December but already barrelling into December's first week. Just sliding right on in, even without any of the slippery white stuff of snow. Which in Richmond, Virginia, doesn't usually come around until January. Which is really good for those of us that have to travel for the holidays. Especially those of us that are already frazzled when it comes around to time to travel. Is there anyone out there that isn't frazzled this time of year?? How do you do it?
Ah well, I keep trying to find the balance of the decorating, the gift shopping, baking, cooking, etc..etc... with the real reason of the season. Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men.
And really taking the time to feel that.
May all of you find it also.
And if I have a little more difficulty finding that balance this year maybe I should go ahead and wish everyone a blessed holiday season and the happiest of NewYears!
Ah well, I keep trying to find the balance of the decorating, the gift shopping, baking, cooking, etc..etc... with the real reason of the season. Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men.
And really taking the time to feel that.
May all of you find it also.
And if I have a little more difficulty finding that balance this year maybe I should go ahead and wish everyone a blessed holiday season and the happiest of NewYears!
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